“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” This is the verse I repeated to myself over and over as I struggled with debilitating pelvic pain caused by years of endometriosis. In 2012, my husband and I uprooted our family from Edmonton and moved to Saskatoon. The move was because of my failing health and inability to watch our two small children when my husband went to work. My husband sacrificed a job he loved with great pay and benefits to move back to my home province, where I could have family support.
That year would prove to be the sickest I had yet. The physical pain was unbearable. Most of my medications were not covered, which only added to the pressures of trying to make ends meet on an income substantially reduced from what we were used to living on. During it all, my husband’s contract ended, leaving him unemployed for three long months.
I was incapable of doing anything to change our current predicament, leaving me angry and blaming God. The cocktail of medications I was taking to numb the pain only added to my confusion. I was in a dark place of desperation, not knowing how to get out. In an act of sheer bravery, I disclosed my true feelings to a close friend, and she suggested I speak with a Christian counsellor. In my first session, I understood how my anger was misplaced - it wasn’t that God didn’t want to comfort me; He was waiting for me to invite Him in.
My transformation began when I had a personal encounter with Jesus in the place of my brokenness. I saw the guilt I was carrying over my sickness and how I was blaming myself for our circumstances. I realized that I was basing my value and worth on what I could “do.” God was asking me to let go, to embrace this cross I was carrying with hope and peace, despite feeling alone and misunderstood. It was here that I experienced a God who had never stopped loving me, who was reaching out for my hand, gently asking me to trust him. As I continued to walk by faith, my healing journey began as God restored me both spiritually and physically. I learned that walking by faith is being aware of my desperate need for Jesus, regardless of whether I'm in a valley or on a mountaintop. Every single day I consciously choose to see the things that I “do” through the lens of God’s empowering strength at work in and through me. And it’s through this lens I have come to experience what walking by faith is all about.